This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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