I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
