he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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