Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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