ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I looked at my own cervix.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
