So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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