i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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