Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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