Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
