You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The air taste purple.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
