He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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