Yo dont text me then not text me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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