I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think your dad took our porno
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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