YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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