allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just tell him i said nine months
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it's great music for shaving your balls
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
