Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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