Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
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Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
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All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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