when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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