Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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