We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
