sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
