I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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