You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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