I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
