this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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