the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Operation Purity has been aborted
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
