I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
