thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
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We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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