I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
