stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize