I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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