I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize