you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize