She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
