sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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