I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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