i just wanna soil my oats bro
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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