I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
