it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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