Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
