just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
