I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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