Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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