Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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