I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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