Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
