Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
