I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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