I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
