Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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