you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
