Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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