when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
