I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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