I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
