i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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