It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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