is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
