operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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