"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
