She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
