I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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