We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
