just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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